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Disguised Celestia living the life of a normal pony for a day is a trope as old as the show itself, and one I truly like.
Therefore I was extremely pleased to read a story on this very trope on MLP:fim comic 65 ("Queen for one less day" or, as I prefer to call it "loved by the sun"). Plus the art was by that friggin' genius of andypriceart , whose work I've always admired! So I was quite sold from the get-go (no matter who the writer is, I always enjoy reading his work).
However, when I read this story, I wasn't totally satisfied. Don't get me wrong, overall I quite liked it, but there was one major point I wasn't happy with: the role of the amulet. From start to finish the changeling artefact is said to be both powerful and dangerous; however, when we get to the climax of the story, the only indication of its danger is that Scarlet Petal gets extremely angry and her eyes glow green. That didn't really feel too much of a threat, and you know the rule: show, don't tell! So I decided to do a re-write of that section of the comic.

These pages should replace pages 16 to 18 (with the last two last panels of page 18 of the original comic to be used at the beginning of the events that follow my rewrite. I know: it's not a perfect replacement but this is not a complete rewrite either… so cut me some slack!). To be extra clear: the last panel from the page in the original comic which precede the first of the pages of my rewrite shows an headshot of auntie Shadowfall while she says:[…] Now you finally have the chance to repay my generosity and you are holding on that amulet!

This little comic provides me also with the chance of talking about comics as a language, and comics are the language I love the most so, if you too share this love get something to drink and enjoy the ride

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Let me open the issue summarising what is it all about: while making this rewrite I made a decision that benefited more the story than its narration.
I bet you know how important is, in comics, the page-turn. It's the biggest closure you can get (hopefully the term "closure" is used both in english and italian, my mother tongue) and almost every cliffhanger resolves after a page-turn! In "Queen for one less day" there's this beautiful sequence in which auntie Shadowfall threaten Scarlet Petal telling her how she's in big trouble and nobody, not even princess Celestia herself, will be able to save her and than BAM! You turn page and there's Celestia in all her might with that look between cold anger and determination on her muzzle that says:I help EVERYPONY. Of course you expect it, there's absolutely no mystery in what's gonna happen, but that panel strikes you not just thanks to its awesome art, but because of its placement at the beginning of the new page that follows a rising in tension. Now, don't get me wrong, the art plays a pretty damn important role too: and Price's work strikes gold in that scene, so much that I wanted to keep mine as close to it as possible! But I decided to not keep the page-turn and, thus, I had to rely on a bit more fireworks to drive the feeling home.
Why is that?
Well, in order for me to keep Celestia's revelation at the beginning of the new page (without adding a whole extra page) I should have moved the sequence of auntie Shadowfall threatening Scarlet Petal at the end of page 3 (of the rewrite), deleting or seriously resizing the last panel in which Winter Comet runs to her sister. It was doable, of course. Sure, I should have squeezed in Scarlet's reverse transformation in it, but it wouldn't have been too much of a deal. The thing is: I decided that that last panel was important and, thus, needed its space.
The reason for it taps into another minor issue I had with the story. See, the core message of the story is conveyed by Celestia's words when she tells Scarlet how a true teacher doesn't teach for its own personal gain but for the love for his or her pupils. Celestia's words press Scarlet into giving up the amulet (and, again, the fact that the resolution relies on words spoken rather than actions taken do feel a tad bit off, at least in the case of that which should be the central conflict in the story) but the only reason we have to believe that Scarlet empathises with the truth in Celestia's words is that the foal recognise that stealing is wrong and that her mentor is rude and cold with her. And, well, this fact doesn't completely justify Scarlet's desire for giving up her anger (and "power") towards her mentor… you would kinda expect it to make her even angrier. But, if you think of Scarlet as a gentle soul and Celestia's words being enlightening for her than, yeah, you can buy the way the comic resolve the situation. That's why I say it to be a minor issue. However, as I felt it to be kinda weak as climax of the story, I decided to add a little something to it.
I wanted Scarlet to be in a position in which she would feel closer to Celestia's arguments and that's the reason for ending the sequence in page 2 of the rewrite with Winter's reflection in Scarlet's eye and the little tear that it compels. I wanted to play on the parallel between teacher and role model. We are hinted to the fact that, although both Scarlet and Winter are still foals, Scarlet is a little older than her brother. Thus it feels reasonable to believe that Winter might take Scarlet as role model and that she would feel the need to be role model for him (at least, when it really matters).
However the little scene of page 2 left alone was not enough. It opens Scarlet's internal struggle, sets its stakes but it requires an appropriate ending. That's why the last panel in page 3 was important: it needed to give such appropriate conclusion to Scarlet's struggle. And, having her given up power for Winter's sake, the scene had to be about Scarlet and her brother.

If I did my homework well you should finally be able to understand why I said that my decision benefited more the story than the narration. Of course this statement of mine is more of a provocation than anything else, but I hope it served the goal of giving you a small insight in how comic is such a wonderful language with a grammar full of power and beauty. I would love to know what Price thinks about it, him being a professional and having worked so long with our beloved ponies But any reflection on this matter is more than welcome, of course!

Upvotes at import: 27 | Stars at import: 20
Posted previously at: 2019-10-04T22:43:15 | Posted previously by: corvoblu