Auto-imported from derpibooru.org (2383513)

i hope it translates the 4th image follows up pretty quickly after the first 3 images, despite it not being anthro. i felt the gesture was easier to show in anthro while twi's reaction to it i could capture better as…not-anthro?

anyway

1 to 3) this happens pretty early on in the relationship. theyre both still finding their footing, trying to figure out how they work together romantically. Twilight had been saying for some time that she'd wanted Rainbow to express more feelings to her, and, well, a little bit lost in the moment, rainbow tries… moving her hands (hooves?) through twilights mane, making her way further up, to under her chin… and leaning in for a kiss.

she doesnt get the reaction she's expecting.

4.)
Rainbow couldn't understand it. Just a moment ago, they'd been laughing, joking about, cuddling- everything as normal — but within just a fraction of a second, that'd all disappeared- and the once happy and smiling Twilight was now hunched over, struggling to breathe.

"Uh, Twi?" Rainbow snorted uncertainly,"What are you doing?"

Twilight didn't respond. She stayed where she was, her back to Rainbow.

"….Twilight?"

Rainbow frowned. Wasn't this what she wanted? She was trying, at least. Where was the credit?

"I… Seriously Twi, c'mon This isn't fair," Rainbow's frustration grew, "You wanted me to be more open, I'm trying! You can't just go cold on me like that for no reason."

At that, Twilight's head swivelled around to face her.

Rainbow flinched. There was something in her eyes, the sweat on her brow, the nauseous look. She'd seen Twilight have her typical twilight freak out before, over something like an overdue paper or an event plan gone haywire, but this… this was something else. She was more withdrawn, unable to speak when she usually wouldn't stop, a panicked look in her eyes. It reminded of her of Fluttershy, when they were foals, when they'd be playing and more ponies would join in, and suddenly Fluttershy would find it too much and start to breathe heavy and back away and-

Oh.

Rainbow stood up, approaching cautiously, a little uncertain on what was best to do. Fluttershy didnt like to be touched when she was like this. maybe she should just stay back?
She placed herself down gently beside her, flank brushing slightly against hers, almost as a request to move closer.

Twilight flinched at first, but then leaned in, putting more weight against Rainbow's side. Rainbow didn't know what else to do in response but wrap her wing around her, bringing her closer.

Twilight nestled in, accepting the gesture, still breathing heavily. Her cheek brushed against Rainbow's arm her breath warm against Dash's fur.

Rainbow wished she remembered the stuff Fluttershy had said, about what helped and what didn't. She knew Fluttershy felt that comfort and touching was too overwhelming when it happened, but other than that the things Fluttershy suggested were lost on her now, and she struggled to think of something to say that didn't sound pathetic or awkward. Ugh, she really wasn't good with the mushy stuff. Fluttershy is though — Maybe she should go get her…..? or maybe Rarity or Apple Jack….? This seems pretty serious….

She began to stand up, but it immediately seemed to upset Twilight, and she thought better of it- easing herself back down and letting Twilight remain nestled into her.

Rainbow bit her lip. That was a no go, but she really wasn't good at these situations. She really just wanted to up and leave and having nothing to do with any of this…. it was just kinda too much, too far out of her comfort zone..but this was her friend- no, her marefriend. she wanted to help her, make her safe she….. she liked her, or something like that.

"It's… It's okay," Rainbow croaked, keeping her voice hushed as she rustled her feathers across Twilight's back. "I'm… not gonna leave, I'll stay here until you're okay."

That seemed to make her relax, even if just a little bit. She sat right by her, for what felt like nearly an eternity, just rubbing her wing across Twiight's back, listening to her breathe. She listened closely to the rhythm of it, when it was fast and when it was slow, breathe out, breathe in….. breathe out….

—

Rainbow had very nearly fallen asleep by the time Twilight moved. She jolted, pulling her wing back as Twilight sat up properly.

"Sorry…" Twilight croaked, wiping at her eyes.

"It's… It's fine," Rainbow said tentatively, "Kinda… weird."

Twilight gave a weak laugh in return. She seemed to be doing a lot better at least.

"I've… never seen you do that before, though. I mean- I-I've seen you freak out, don't get me wrong, just not like….that."

Twilight shrugged, looking down at the ground. Something told her that Twilight wasn't really used to it either.

"Do you, maybe…. wanna talk about it?"

"….I just want to go to bed. Is that ok?"

Rainbow opened her mouth to protest, but immediately stopped herself.

"Sure, we can do that."

The pair sat up, Rainbow looking up to glance at Twilight's face. She was much more relaxed than she had been a few minutes ago, but she looked exhausted, and emotionally drained. The life she'd had before seemed to have drained right from her.

Twilight caught Rainbow looking, and Rainbow immediately averted her eyes, trying to pretend not to care. Twilight seemed to see through it tho, and leaned down to give Rainbow a quick kiss on the lips.

"…Thank you, Rainbow. For Staying."

——-

and then they crawled into bed and crashed out in a big cuddly mess.

so sometimes, it isn't until you're out of a bad situation do you realise just how bad the situation was, and just how badly it affects you. It isn't until Twilight has left home, become a princess, and has a fully functioning support group around her does trauma actually surface and the anxieties with it.

Twilight has her usual anxiety attacks, u kno, the signature twilight freak out — but then she starts having full blown panic attacks. She can't really speak, kinda feels like she's dieing. yknow the jist of it.

Rainbow is not very good at the mushy soft stuff and really finds the situation uncomfortable, but like any good friend she sets that aside to try and help her. As their relationship progresses she becomes much better at this and much better at comforting Twilight when this happens.

also idk if this is obvious but it was triggered by rainbow holding her chin like that, in reference to:

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and like the whole. thing. around that gesture in that family. shit be traumatising. ive said before that twilight has PTSD in this au. I have an anxiety disorder myself, though not specifically ptsd, so if any of this sounds wrong lmk.

she does eventually become more comfortable with it, with a lot of patience and care. and thats good because rainbow loves to give twilight beard scritchies when she forgets to shave. here's a lil bonus incomplete doodle

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Posted previously at: 2020-06-25T17:08:10