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I am the very model of a modern Major General
I've information vegetable, animal, and mineral
I know the Kings of England, and I quote the fights historical
From Marathon to Waterloo in order categorical;
I'm very well acquainted too, with matters mathematical
I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical
About binomial theorem I'm teaming with a lot o' news
With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse.

I'm very good at integral and differential calculus;
I know the scientific names beings animalculous
In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral
I am the very model of a modern Major General.

I know our mythic history, King Arthur and Sir Caradoc's
I answer hard acrostics, I've a pretty taste for paradox,
I quote in elegiacs all the crimes of Heliogabalus
In conics I can floor peculiarities parabolas;
I can tell undoubted Raphaels from Gerard Dows and Zoffanies,
I know the croaking chorus from The Frog of Aristophanies!
Then I can hum a fugue of which I've heard the music din afore,
And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Pinafore

Then I can write a washing bill in Babylonic cuneiform
And tell you every detail of a Caractacus' uniform;
In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral
I am the very model of a modern Major General.

In fact I know what is meant by "ma-melon" and "ravel-in"
When I can tell at sight a Mauser rifle from a javelin
When such affairs as sorties and surprises I'm more wary at,
And when I know precisely what is meant by "commissariat".
When I have learnt what progress has been made in modern gunnery,
When I know more of tactics than a novice in a nunnery;
In short, when I've a smattering of elemental strategy,
You'll say a better Major General has never sat-a-gee.

For my military knowledge, though I'm plucky and adventury,
Has only been brought down to the beginning of the century;
But still, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral
I am the very model of a modern Major General!

Upvotes at import: 37 | Stars at import: 28
Posted previously at: 2017-05-22T16:21:08 | Posted previously by: Mildgyth