Don't panic, Don't panic, Don't panic.
Luna repeated the mantra her head over and over, but her heart didn't listen, and only thumped faster the closer she neared her sister's chamber. She didn't even realize she was galloping until she forced her self to slow to a stop. Only the faint sound of a crackling fire escaped the cracks of the closed door. Luna inhaled as one last attempt to calm her nerves before turning the handle.
Poking her head into the room, she anxiously scanned the abode as she called out, "Celestia?"
I don't see her where is she where's Selene there's no one here it's okay don't panic don't panic doN'T PANI-
With her body facing the hearth, Celestia turned her head around to meet Luna's panicked gaze. "Ah, Luna, you're awake! Did you sleep well?" Celestia whispered sweetly, seemingly oblivious to her sister's distress.
Although relieved to see the alicorn, Luna replied shortly, "I slept fine- thank you- but Tia, do you know where""
"-Selene is?" Celestia interrupted, before slowly turning toward Luna. In her now visible arms lay Selene snuggled fast asleep under her favorite blankie. The perfect picture of innocence.
"Ah" Luna sighed, her worry dissolving. Closing the door behind her, Luna softly trotted over to her sister, whispering "When I found her crib empty, I admit I . . . might have assumed the worst." She grinned sheepishly, her cheeks flushing from the embarrassment.
"That's natural," Celestia nodded, brushing a consoling wing against her shoulder.
Luna smiled gratefully, before turning her attention to the sleeping foal. "So, what mayhem did she cause this time?"
"Oh, there was no trouble. She just refused to fall asleep until she saw her mother. So, I told her that she could stay with me until you woke up, and well, I believe the heated fire worked it's charm," She said, winking.
Luna snickered. "Clever," she smirked.
Suddenly, she switched from a playful smile to furrowed eyebrows as she muttered, "Although, I'm sorry you had to put up with that. I can't fathom why in Equestria Kibitz ever let me sleep in
"- Don't blame him!" Celestia interjected. "I was the one who convinced him to let you sleep a little longer than normal- which was not easy. You know how Kizbit is when it comes to his schedules," she said, rolling her eyes to prove her point.
Luna's frown remained. "Well then, why go through all the trouble?"
"Because you needed to rest," she said, wrapping her wing around Luna like a mother hen does her chicks. "You're an excellent mother, Luna, but even the most capable mothers aren't immune to being frazzled and you- well. You looked a bit more worn out than usual."
"I'm not sure if you've noticed, but you're boasting quite a few baggy eyes yourself," the mare retorted, smirking.
"Oh, that's merely the lighting in here," Celestia said in the middle of a loud, drawn-out yawn.
Luna chuckled. "Still, I suppose I should be grateful. To be honest, I feel better than I have in quite a while! What do I owe you for bribing Kibitz?"
"Don't worry about that," she replied, brushing off the offer with her free wing. "Getting time with your little ones is reward enough."
The two mares sat in silence for a moment, watching Selene's chest rise and fall. A gentle, warming sense of peace swelled in Luna's chest. Maybe it was the sight of her newborn sleeping peacefully, or maybe the firelight warming her aching feathers- she wasn't sure. However, peeking up at Celestia, whose smile mirrored her own, she was sure that her sister felt the same.
After another moment, Luna sighed. "Well. . . I suppose it's time this little one rest with her brothers. Here, you've already done enough- I'll see to it that she gets to bed" she said, stretching out her arms expectantly.
Only, Celestia didn't move. Her eyes remained glued to the filly in her arms, and the loving smile barely twitched. If it weren't for her steady breathing, Luna might have mistaken her for a marble statue in the firelight. Had she even heard her speak?
Pulling her hooves to her chest, she studied her sister with a worried gaze. "Tia?"
Another breathless second passed. Finally, the statue muttered shakily, "It's . . . hard to believe sometimes that you used to be this tiny. Seems like only just yesterday you were just a sleepy little foal and now . . . now you have foals of your own" She choked, her voice catching. One by one, drops of tears began dripping down, as she continued to stare blurry eyed at Selene.."
"Oh. . .Tia. . ." Luna mumbled, feeling her own eyes prick with moisture. Embracing her as best she could without disturbing the filly, she positioned head under her chin.
"I'm truly sorry, sister."
She only sniffled in reply, before leaning her weight, and in a way her sorrow, onto Luna's supportive figure. Their hug lasted several minutes, with Luna holding her up and stroking her gently, while Celestia quietly sobbed and sniffed as the harsh reality overwhelmed her. Luna desperately wanted to say something, anything, that would console her sister, but she knew words were the last thing she needed.
Celestia always needed to be strong, to keep a stiff upper lip for the kingdoms sake, even at the sake of herself. She was as much the anchor for the nation as she was for Luna. The only times she could recall Tia crying all occurred when life and death were on the line. So to see her sister break down in this manner, to the point were if it weren't for the sleeping foal, her sobbing would be heavier, showed just how deeply her sister's sorrow went.
Eventually, the stress of the day and her predicament wore Celestia out, both physically and emotionally. The tears grew fewer and fewer as her exhaustion took toll, while her shallow breathing began to even out. Luna squeezed her tighter.
"It's okay, I'm alright," Celestia gasped softly.
Luna gazed up at her without breaking away as she asked, "Are you really?"
"Yes," she replied, wiping her damp face with her wing. "I don't know what came over me. . . "
"I'm. . . I'm so sorry Tia, I
"Don't be. We've been over this. It's not your fault Luna. I- I knew what I was doing- what the cost of the spell would be. I've never regretted my decision once, and I still don't. Reuniting with you made all of it worth it- never doubt that. Especially now that you have a loving husband and foals. Seeing you happy, with a future and a family, I've never been so sure in my life that I made the right choice."
She paused.
A straggler tear slipped by unnoticed as she whispered, "It's just. . . sometimes. . . I can't help. . ."
Luna nuzzled her closer, as she chocked out, "you would have been a wonderful mother, Tia. Just as you were to me."
Celestia didn't reply, but she didn't need too. The white wing wrapped around her shoulder pulling her slightly closer to Luna everything. Their embrace might have lasted hours had not the soft chime of the clock interrupted their moment.
Hesitantly, Luna pulled away. Even though she was ageless, somehow, Celestia's no red, puffy, and creased face made her seem older. As though with the masking smile, the thousand years of heart ache and sacrifice was shinning through the cracks.
"Come, it's late. You need your rest as much as I do," Luna said, standing to go.
This time, Celestia gave up Selene without a fight and let her mother gently lift the filly from her arms and levitate her into her back. With her hooves now free, Celestia slowly lowered herself to the floor, curling her self comfortably in front of the hearth.
"Pleasant dreams, Tia," Luna whispered, as she nuzzled Celestia's forehead in parting.
As she reached the door Luna jested softly, "So, shall I tell Kibitz to let you sleep in a bit, then?"
But turning around, she found Celestia already had her eyes closed, and the long, methodical sound of her breathing made her case obvious. A small, sad sigh slipped though Luna's smile, before she quietly closed the door behind her.
___
There are something in this world we can never have.
For Celestia, that's bearing foals.