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_Anybody who knows what happened in my family all those months ago could probably sense a case of deja vu with this particular image. Because it's too similar to this painting

Yes, it's about my father…

Two weeks ago, if you read my current journal, my mom received the call from Singapore that, as soon as she came home, her brother had died. And we were very all devastated by the sudden news when we thought he was doing so well…I skipped out on church (that was the Sunday I was suppose to meet with father to give his mail) to comfort her; and I had received the text from my father that he had heard what happened and asked to come by the house to see mom. I told him it was the WORSE time to do so and his presence will only further the pain…As harsh as that sounded, mom needed alone time.

Now she's doing fine, and I'm happy for that. However, back on Wednesday, my father actually dropped by the house after I had finished dinner.
___

I was in my room just waiting for him to leave so I could feel my comfort zone once more. And he comes to me and tells me everything he discussed with mom:

That he wants to come home.

You have no idea how much that overwhelmed me. This is the guy who, during Christmas break, spent his time and money with women MY age and later had my mom to learn the truth a week after her birthday in January, which led to argument, her learning that he 'doesn't love her', the eventual moment of kicking him out that February 13th when I had thought things would go swimmingly and we'd be a family again…

And he says he wants to come home?

My father explained that he was deeply sorry for everything, that he had stopped talking to those women back in the Philippines altogether and wants us to be together again. A family again and for him to make up for what he has done.

If this had been back in February, I would have jumped at the idea.

But that was 9 months ago and any hope I had disintegrated, followed by a near-permanent hardening in my heart that my father could become 'my dad' (there's a difference between 'father' and 'dad'; to be called a father just means he was the reason for the 'operation', it doesn't have to mean anything else. )…

He told me that he still loves me, and especially mom, and that he misses us both. He told me that it was MY choice if he could come home…

And I just blew up in his face about how much pain he gave us both, how long it took me to accept everything that changed, and that I refused to give an immediate answer, saying it's 'too soon' and I'm still uncomfortable with him. I asked him if he was still seeing his 'whore' and he immediately told me he stopped that a long time ago; but that still didn't make up for that fact that his relatives in the Philippines backstabbed me when they insisted he do the deed, telling him to get with all those younger women…

:star: Why has Monsters University always been my little ray of light for a moment like this…

:bulletblue: I was in my room in front of my computer when he confronted me about coming back. I was wearing my Homer Simpson shirt and my Javier Rios doll was under one arm as I typed.

I held "Javier" close to me when my father came into my room, as if knowing that despite being a 'monster' that he would protect me…

As childish as it is, I felt really safe with my Javier Rios doll in my arms…

As soon as my father left, accepting that I didn't have an answer but he knew I meant 'no', I just cried and held "Javier" close to me, unable to imagine anything positive about my father coming back home…

Why I wanted to hold him out of any of my MU dolls for that particular night, maybe because I suddenly felt like it was the right moment…

And I kissed my precious MU doll, thanking "Javier Rios" for standing by my side.
___

And this morning at church, during Sunday School as I thought over that in less than two weeks my 21st birthday would arrive, followed by the holidays, I immediately cried in front of the Sunday School teacher, who had finally learned what happened months ago that February 13th. She told me she would pray for me.

Then the Thanksgiving potluck arrived at my church and, obviously, my father was there. Trying to keep him off my mind, I ate…A LOT. Comfort food followed by a whole lot of pumpkin pie…it's not even Thanksgiving and I'm already going to look like an overstuffed turkey.

Before it was time for us to leave, when I gave my father his mail and he gave me my allowance, he told me he accepts that maybe now wouldn't be the right time to come home…he said he can wait even a year before it feels right and mom and I don't feel so uncomfortable.

He said he loves me and promises to get the MU gifts I requested from him for my birthday(he had NO idea what Monsters University was until I finally showed him my backpack…), and that he'll always be there.

I just cried, which was why I always had worn my sunglasses the whole time in the potluck. I just left, causing others in the church who know of the situation to try and comfort me. But I just wanted to be alone, and just go to the swap meet shopping place and spend cash for my own comfort…

:bulletpink: I made this as some sort of 'sequel' to that painting I made featuring Princess Cadence. Why I chose her from the very beginning, well, everyone knows her origin story: she was a pegasus abandoned as a baby and raised by a village before she found her gift of love and was summoned by Princess Celestia, thus becoming an alicorn (by the way, congrats to all the bronies and pegasisters for Season 4).

What if, in some crazy way, her father "rises from the dead" and asks his daughter for forgiveness and wants to start over?

Then both Cadence and I would know how the other feels…

I still have those bitter feelings, guys…Cadence would be too if she suddenly met the father who had abandoned her, asking to "return in her life" when she spent so many years slowly processing it…

It's just too much and deep down I'm glad my father dropped the subject and decided to wait for a whole year…

I just want to focus on Thanksgiving, and, more importantly, my 21st birthday…

I still hold "Javier Rios" every night, and same for all the other "monsters"…


Princess Cadence from My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic © Lauren Faust
Javier Rios from Monsters University © Pixar

Oh, cartunes, dragging more of your personal life into your fics and projecting it onto other characters…suddenly it all makes sense now. Looks like her newfound love for Cadence is all due to the backstory in that crystal heart book there.

Upvotes at import: 19 | Stars at import: 6
Posted previously at: 2013-11-27T07:49:51 | Posted previously by: Niggoslav_Krawczyk