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"You guys go on ahead, I'll stay out here." (and draw)

I tried to sleep last night, but nightmares and thoughts of falling kept coming up in my mind. I've talked about it before, but never did any art depicting it. After encountering three different places this past week, I had to draw it out.

I can't help but try to sympathize with those that don't experience altocelarophobia. I've felt the exasperation of friends and acquaintances that have to put up with this along with me… To put it bluntly, everywhere I go it's like I'm going to fall into a pit. There's no other way I can describe it, it's a falling sensation. Everywhere new I have to make sure that a place is "okay" before I go to it, else that falling upwards feeling kicks in.

I've been like this since I was about four or five years old. This feeling of falling was normal to me. It wasn't until I saw other people going wherever they like. They face these cliffs I see every day and scale them like it's nothing, that I began to feel ashamed for not being able to do something so simple as enter a building.

I know it's all in my head. But that's where I am, it's the only place I can be. It's a part of me, and it's something I hate. I can cry, I can complain, I can get angry, it doesn't change that this is a part of me. It's shaped who I am, someone who feels like falling up when standing firmly on the ground. If a place is just a tad too large inside, even if I imagine myself as a pegasus, wherever I go I can't imagine being without this feeling

I've heard all the help that people think is either helpful, or trying to be funny, but they're neither.
"Wear a wide brimmed hat." and "Just look down." are the top ones. Neither work, I can hear the room and feel it's size with the echoes. Earplugs help in general when going out, but it doesn't stop the vertigo.

In the show "My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic" there is a character named Ms Peachbottom who is depicted with altocelarophobia too. At one point it was shown she was claustrophobic which was close enough to home for me, but when she was inside a large place and specifically a very large place (some large crystal palace), a close up of the ceiling was shown when she had a bad reaction to it and had to get out immediately after feeling dizzy. It was like a weight was lifted to see that reaction in a pony, depicted on a television show for kids! I was completely stunned! It won me over.


I'm just frustrated with it and had to put a picture and some words to it.
My question now is, does anyone else experience this or know of someone who does?

Upvotes at import: 54 | Stars at import: 37
Posted previously at: 2015-05-01T18:22:49 | Posted previously by: Arcade Fever